Alcohol makes us do the 'stupidest' things - part 2: The Punching Game

Now, as we established in one of my earlier posts, alcohol slows the cognition in your brain. It also makes you piss like a camel with a kidney infection, but thats irrelevant. I recall when a couple of friends and I were walking along the outside of the garden of remembrance at the city center entrance to the Phoenix park when we spotted someone leaning up against the railings further on ahead. The time was nearing 6am; we had collectively decided to take on the challenge of walking the entire distance home after a crazy night on the town(bad idea if you're wearing a cheap rip off of caterpillar boots); Round 1 - Alcolor. In any case, as we drew nearer to the person we realised that he wasnt leaning against the railings rather he was completely supported by them; this guy was BLAFLEWLALOOLOOLOLLOXED. Swaying to and fro as if he had been momentarily shot with a potent tranquilizer dart, he regained his composure only to fall asleep standing up, the black grill gate acting as his bed. Normally in a situation like this, my friends and I would wake the chap and flag a taxi to help get the poor punter home; but at the time it was much more entertaining just to pull his pants down. Lovely little story Deco but whats your point? Well, basically - this guy was completely unaware. He was not ready for absolutely any possible outcome of his actions, no matter how minute they were. While I was in Ninja school in Trinity College; I trained as a master of stealth, a black assassin of the night-sky, a son of the shadows, a deadly instrument of invisibility and I occasionally liked to pick poppi's in the warm summer sun. My now late Ninja teacher, 'Master George' always taught me the value of awareness and the cunning of wits. I became a lethal weapon who could strike at any moment. Trying to bestow the value of awareness upon my friends that fateful night, I created 'the punching game' (Round 2- Alcolor); designed to test how drunk you are at intermittant stages throughout any given evening. The game is quite simple; you must catch your friend unaware with a sly but rather hard punch to the face. If he sees you and dodges, he gets a free punch that should not be met with retaliation. If he doesnt see you then theres a good chance you'll knock him out or chip one of his teeth in the process(Quick shout out to my close friend Al who recently attended the dentist following a night on the piss with a sober person; me). This game is dangerous and should only be played in the absence of parental supervision and under the influence of alcohol. Indulging in this game has caused me a number of problems; One of which I can recall was when I had arrived in 'Heaven' nightclub completely tinkerbelled and greeted a mate I had not seen in a couple of weeks with a friendly upper-cut to the chin. Within seconds I found myself battling a group of Hungarian Bouncers with another technique that Master George had taught me; running away very very quickly... Another such occasion took place in a rather quiet pub in the city centre; My friends and I had been drinking for most of the day and the 'punching game' had already begun. I had received an unmerciful blow to the jaw for which I was seeking revenge. The friend who had caught me off guard was in deep conversation with a beautiful girl at the bar; this was my chance to kill two birds with one stone - to get my vengence and cock block the shit out of the bostard. I strolled over casually and stood behind him for a moment, the girl seemed to be completely unaware that I was a close friend of the person she was chatting to while she whispered something in his ear which referred to 'the weirdo standing behind you'... When John turned around to see who this might be, I swung an almighty left hook; out of sheer instinct John ducked with such speed that, like the kid from that film about a big friendly whale, gave himself enough time to watch my 'Willy' sail over his head and right into the girls face. Well done Deco, you've KO'd another innocent girl. No wonder Im single. Anyway, apart from being branded a woman beater and being banned for life from that particular pub, the whole mishap was rather hilarious. The game began to spiral out of control when I started to throw in the odd drop-kick and it eventually escalated into using broom-sticks, mops and back-handers. Eventually we reeled it back to just punching after I stabbed one my mates with a broken bottle of Corona while away on a lads-weekend in Newcastle. Much of the above are sentences I never thought I would write from the first person perspective so please understand that I am neither insane nor in need of mental attention; or at least not while im sober anyway. But then again, arent we all a little crazy with some booze in us? I think the degree of lunacy on a night out progresses through a particular hierarchy. The necessity of stupidity, on either a large or small scale becomes present after having consumed alcohol starting with things like; laughing at farts or getting hysterical at something as simple as someone falling over; right the way to a disturbed, almost insane sense of humour. Alcohol makes us do so many stupid things but the question I hear repeating over and over in my head is; 'If I moisturise, will I look any younger?'... Who knows

Bottomline no 21; You can do one of two things to remain aware on a night out; Either not drink too much or drink too much - either way you're not going to feel the punch

Next post; Decepticons are very real my friends

Slan mo Chara

Deco