The difference between sober & drunken dancing

Dance (from French danser, perhaps from Frankish) is a sport and art form that generally refers to movement of the body, usually rhythmic and to music,[1] used as a form of expression, social interaction or presented in a spiritual or performance setting. This is the definition of the term 'dance' on Wikipedia. Do you think that whoever posted this wonderful definition has actually ever seen a drunk OR sober person dancing in a nightclub? Lets start with drunk people because lets face it its easier. Whenever im in a nightclub and Im sober, I feel like im in the middle of a troop of clinically epileptic proboscis monkeys. They are flailing around like pricks in the wind without a care in the world and more often then not, an arm imitating the consistency of a 2ft long Frankfurter sausage being violently shaken at one end, flops out from the mob and knocks my drink out of my hand and all over my brand new white t-shirt. Pulling power for the night, reduced to zero. But the real dangerous ones are the ones on the dance floor... My God; dance floors are like an eliminator course for drunk teenagers. I was once passing through a dance floor to get to the bar on the other side and I actually stopped a guy and asked him if he was ok because he looked like he was being electricuted by the sheer sound of the music. Before going out, does everyone just sit in and watch clips of manx cats getting thrown into bath tubs and try to mimic its reaction? Cats dont like water one bit thats all ill say. The funniest thing about being drunk and dancing is that you actually think your the business. All your inhibitions are out the window and you are giving it sox. When Im dancing while drunk, there is no doubt in my mind that Im on the Wade Robson project and that Im going to win. Im genuinely convinced Im a post pubescent George Sampson. Another thing,when a drunk bloke tries to be sexy while dancing its one of the most disturbing things ive ever seen. Trust me, my mirror exploded. Lets face it, there is no such thing as a drunk bloke who can turn a woman on with his 'moves'. Well, Chuck Norris could but thats a whole different kettle of fish. (Does anyone know where this expression came from because its the most obscure thing to say). Then, when a well known song comes on everyone begins to mimic the moves from the music video, popular songs where this happens are: Thriller, Time of my life from Dirty Dancing and any Beyonce song that allows girls to raise their arms into a wing'ed position and attempt to shake their 'booty' like she does. Let me say it once; nobody and I mean nobody, can shake their ass like Beyonce. Plus she gave Tailor swift her moment after Kanye West made a complete 'Jackass' of himself - as quoted from President Obama. What a champion of a man he is. Not to mention the level of sweat that comes out of you when your dancing in a room full of 500 people. In fact when I put it like that it sounds ridiculous.Techically it should be the last thing you would do when in an overcrowded area; its like going into a sauna fully clothed? Who knows, Im not even making sense anymore. Truth be known, I am tired from a long day in work (sympathy please?........you, who didnt give me sympathy, I will find you) Sober people dancing..... I wish there was a way you could see me laughing right now. Elmur Fudd would have a field day if he was created to hunt sober people in nightclubs rather than Bugs Bunny. They stick out a mile. First of all, they are barely moving. If at all, they are literally just bending their knees and holding their drink close to their chest and pretending to have conversations with eachother in order to appear 'cool'. But this is usually because they are actually acting oblivious to their surroundings but yet at the same time, taking everything in. Usually these people dance in packs, so be careful. If you find you have stumbled into the middle of their pack just drop to the ground and attempt to do some breakdancing. This is a specially designed defensive position against sober dancers because like I said, they barely bend their knees. And then comes the Dance off. Why O why do we have to have Dance offs when 99.9% of the time, the two partys facing off may aswell own the right to park their cars in the disable spot outside shopping centres.It truly escapes me yet through the miracle of drink, I continue to do it. Its Arthur Guinness day today and if I see another person write 'To Arthur', 'To Martha' or 'To llama's' on their facebook I think im going to scorpion kick my laptop out the window. Did you know that in 1754, Arthur signed a 9000 year lease for the Guinness factory at James Gate in Dublin city centre? 9000 years? Did he invent Guinness with then intention for it to make him immortal!? Still, at least hes not around to see cringe worthy videos of himself dancing around like a wildly wired wombat wilderwomble...

Bottomline no 4: Dancing is great craic, but when drunk, be prepared to make a show of yourself. I know I do.

Next Post: "The importance of a good Wingman"

Slan mo Chara,

Deco