People who smoke 'only when they drink'...Ridiculous

Well folks, its Sunday morning and I am currently sitting on my bed having just woken up after being out on the alcohol-free piss for the weekend. My mate Kev decided during the week that he was going to try this social experiment with me but within 20 minutes of sitting down in the local pub on Friday night and half a glass of fizzy orange later, surely enough he had ordered 2 shot of Zambucka and a pint of Miller (lets face it Kev, you lost before the notion even entered your head). The thing I am here to talk about today however is why people smoke 'only' when they drink. Oh yes, one substance that can kill me is not enough, lets attack two vital organs at once. One of my sober observations from the weekend passed is that whenever I go to a nightclub, I spend most of my time out in the smoking area with my friends (and I dont even smoke). Oh great FRICKIN idea, lets re-mortgage our apartments so we can pay into an extortionate nightclub and then go stand in the smoking area under extremely powerful patio lights that in most cases give me 3rd degree burns on the tops of my ears. Whats the attraction? I can understand why people who smoke 24-7 feel the need to be out in the oh-so comfortable atomic mushroom cloud of Marlboro, John player Blue and Camel (yes I actually saw a guy smoking Camel - and I thought smoking couldnt get any 'cooler'?). But how often have we been standing there on what appears to the set for the sequel to 'The Mist' and seen someone who you've never known to smoke, light up a cancer stick? Usually you make a statement like; "I didnt know you smoked?" to which they reply; "I only smoke when I drink...". A number of things pass through my mind when someone says this to me. Number 1, are they ashamed of the fact that they actually smoke 24-7 and have realised through my body language and the way I posed the question, that I find it a horrible turn off? Which leads me to think that she / he could fancy me... Which then makes me begin to conjure images in my head of what it would be like to mate with this person (because of this, I completely miss the next 7 or 8 things they've said to me). In any case, I find it difficult to understand the reasoning behind people who actually dont smoke, but have this idea that smoking goes hand in hand, with drinking. IS THE INITIAL TASTE OF ALCOHOL NOT DISGUSTING ENOUGH? (dont get me wrong, after the first beer goes down, the rest taste like sweet sweet nectar fresh from the hives of Cameron country). But have they not realised that the mix of alcohol and smoking can lead to one of the following; The Frankfurter arm that in this instance contains a cigarette usually flops onto someones shoulder engraving a pea sized, lifelong scar, or at the very least results in flicking red hot ash directly into someones eye, blinding them for all eternity; leads them to transform into middle-class beggers as they prowl the smoking area begging people for 'a smoke'; in some instances, gives them the ability to breathe fire and of course the most obvious, LEADS TO FRICKIN LUNG CANCER! I am just one of these people who despises smoking (i have nothing against SMOKERS), but this is where the centre of my argument is coming from; I would never, in a million years even TRY smoking yet a couple of months ago, I got paraplegically drunk in a friends house and decided I would see what it was like. I woke up the next morning not only with the most horrdenous hungover, but also felt like the kids on the street and staged the annual Bonfire within the confines of my mouth. It was without a doubt, one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life that GUESS WHAT, drink drove me to it. I think I should give alcohol a villianous name for the purposes of this blog. Hmmm, what could it be....? Ill come back to it.

Bottomline No 6: If the people who smoked only when they drank, didnt drink; they wouldnt smoke at all and so, drastcially reduce the risk of dying in a horrible gurgling bubble bath of lung disease.

Next Post: Trying to talk your way into a nightclub when drunk.

Slan mo Chara,

Deco