The Importance of a good Wingman

You're standing at a bar with your best friend. Its one of those spontaneous nights-out when your both in top form; for once, the beer doesnt taste like pure barley and youve spotted a beautiul girl in a red dress eye-boning you from across the pub. You're elated because you know for a damn fact that physically, you are to her what Gordon Brown is to Shakira, but you continue to hope that shes short-sighted enough not to notice this until the lights go down and the music comes on. So the next hour passes with several moments of fleeting flirting that has now brought both of you to the attention that there is something there, a spark; A wonderousness that resembles the lyrical bullshit in James Blunt's 'Your beautiful'; only you're not going to just look at her and then walk away like he did... the puff. All he had to do was bring her to starbucks?? Anyway, you're made of sterner stuff, now is the time to make your move. By now, everything has gone into slow motion as she 'come hithers' you with her pouted, blood red lipstick and her billowing golden hair (where's the wind coming from?). You turn to your mate, choke back the remainder of your pint and slam it down on the bar with the raw sexual prowess only a seasoned lumber-jack can exude. Your mate gives you the nod and you're off, your flight to paradise begins... You're cruising, cruising and cruising towards her. By now, the wind has swept up under her dress in true Munroe fashion and you've just realised Chis De Burgh is walking alongside you singing 'Lady in Red'; its perfect... You're upon her, you can feel her breath on yours, you can smell her perfume and she, your 'Black Panther' aftershave that in this instance has worked 60% of the time, every time. Your about to kiss... ITS BEAUTIFUL! YOUR LIPS GRAZE HERS AND............... Suddenly her fat overprotective and highly jealous friend swoops in and snatches her away. As they walk away she gives you a nasty look through her bushy eyebrows and she then ricochets the blinding strobe light off her retainer into your eyes just for good measure. You're in total shock, not because you've just missed the opportunity of a lifetime but because you've just seen a pig fly. You dont know what to do? You're standing there all alone, your wife-to-be is about to see you cry when out of NOWHERE; your mate rockets right passed you on the dance floor, grabs the planet by the elbow and, without even grimacing at the remains of the mountain kill that dangles out one side of her mouth, swings her around and plants an almighty wet one on her lips! You and her are astonished! Your mate then pulls her onto the dance floor, luring her away from your wife to be, sacrificing himself for you to make the move you were destined to. You kiss her and its amazing - electric in fact. Before you know it, all four of you are at the bar at the end of the night. By now your mate has demolished 12 tequila and 13 pints. He is a wreck. You're all about to part ways when your wife-to-be asks; "so, should the four of us go back to mine for a few more drinks?". You look at your mate, he looks at his catch for the night and waits for a bunch of over zealous fishermen to burst in and take a picture of him with his 'prize'... They never come so He looks back at you and he turns to the bar......"4 more tequila please and whatever the others are having".... "Lets go..."

Bottomline no 5: I dont want to drink that much Tequila ever again...

Next Post: People who smoke 'only when they drink'...Ridiculous

Slan mo Chara

Deco