In the beginning.....

So, now that you know me a little better; lets touch a little on why I have decided to do something as crazy as not drink any alcohol for the bones of 3 months. Well, there is a simple side to this and there is a deeper, darker side. Dont worry, you will hear both. So I guess its more logical to start with the simple side: 'In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.' Genisis 1:1. This opening verse of the Holy Bible rambles on to talk about how the earth was empty and God created animals and eventually, man to fill the void of vastness across the plains of the world (No, Im not trying recruit new members for my 'God Squad'). My point is this, alcohol has been around since before this book was written; even though there is no definitive source of alcohol's birthplace, there is evidence that implies the existence of fermented liquor in China over 9000 years ago. It is from this moment back then that our fates here, in the 21st Century, were doomed to be enslaved by its power. Is that untrue? For some yes, but for most of the younger people in Ireland, not likely. I am 23 years old and this is what my week consists of: I wake up on a Monday morning without the need to rush to the toilet in order to avoid getting sick on my bedroom floor. Not because I havent been drinking the night before or because I haven't eaten bad chicken, but because through years of practice, I am able to projectile vomit from my bed directly to my bathroom without even proppoing myself up on pillows. This is quite a skill usually because it involves the airbourne vomit to negotiate a closed door and a corner. Then I haul myself out of bed and realise I dont have time for a shower; the most disgusting start to a week possible. I get to work and I mean this genuinely, I dont let it affect my performance. I am in sales and it requires consistent high energy. But the real problem is when I get home. FRICKEN ALIENS COULD BE LANDING OUTSIDE MY HOUSE AND I WOULDNT CARE! - I am straight to bed and my evening is whisked away dreaming about having a six pack and duelling McGyver on a bridge suspended above molten lava in a battle where by I am just about to deliver the killing stroke, when we realise that the real enemies are crouched in a cave somewhere in the middle-east and so; I extend my hand and pull him back to safety. Meanwhile Jessica Alba has been watching from afar and swoons at my compassion. The 3 of us walk off into the sunset as a dove lands on my shoulder. Tuesday and Wednesday is like being in an earthly version of hell. If I was to describe how quickly these days move, I would tell you to imagine Mary Harney chasing an empty ice-cream van. I have no energy to do anything other then go for a steam in the gym and drink tea all night long. Thursday, I finally garner the energy to muster a minute level of enthusiasm purely because I know the weekend is looming and I might do a workout in the gym. Friday I finish an hour earlier in work and BANG! GIVE ME A FUCKING DRINNNNK!!! The rest of the weekend is usually spent swimming a metaphorial fish bowl of Heineken and Vodka with interspersed lapses of actual memory loss and me trying to remember if I was hungover at any point. WHY the bloody hell do I do this to myself on a chronic basis? I mean, I dont actually crave the taste of alcohol like I do the taste of a Cadburys caramel. It was when I posed this question to myself that led me to ask two more questions; do I have a problem or are we all just socially dependent on alcohol? Of course I dont have a problem so.... What is it about 'boozing' that makes it the absolute epicentre of our social certitude? Who knows? Im not here to provide a social commentary on the communal behaviour of the youth of Ireland. What I do know is that on a simple level, one of the answers to 'WHY' I am going to stay off the drink is because I am just fed up having no energy and slugging through my week solely because I crossed from the sane world into berserkland on the weekend just passed, using alcohol as the mode of transport. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, man followed suit and was given something called free will, choice. Thats bottomline number 1. Bottomline number 2 I will cover in my next post; "Im 'rich' because of alcohol".

Slan mo Chara,

Deco