Im 'rich' because of alcohol

Its 11.15pm, Sunday. The night is fresh and the darkness cold. There is a silence that sits amidst the stars and it whispers to the lifeless breeze that kisses your face in the dead of the blackness. All is quiet. The tree's bend to and fro, rocking in the night to the sound of the sweet lulliby that screeches with each of their creaks. There is a calmness about this night, a stillness that I have not seen in quite some time now. Why does the scene seem so different when Ive lived here my whole life?......... BECAUSE IM NOT LOCKED IN HEAVEN NIGHTCLUB THATS WHY! Oh yes my friends, I am sitting in my dining room eagerly anticipating the feeling of freshness that will come with my awakening tomorrow morning. To quickly recap on my first 2 posts, we now understand that I have a hair style that looks like someone whose head is on fire, Im terrified of spiders, we've gone through a typcial week in my life and we know that the Minister for health would have a lot more professional credibility, if she wasnt a juggernaut. Most importantly however we touched on bottomline number 1; 'Free will and choice' together with the first in a series of reasons as to why I am committing myself to an alcohol free body until Christmas eve 2009; because almighty benders on weekends quite simply drain your energy for the subsequent week. Now I would like to touch on another important contribution as to why I am attempting such a challenge; Money. Basically, I would like some. I get up every day at 8am, go to work and work hard, so I can pay for things like my car insurance, my mobile phone bill, my gym and the full destruction of my FRICKIN LIVER! Its true, any and every spare cent that is left after paying the essentials is virtually liquified into one gigantic hangover. But thats not the worst part. I make a reasonable wage and I get paid by the month. So usually, I still have money for the first 2 weeks after payday; its when I begin to bring my lunches into work that people know I have yet again spent my hard earned cash on running the proverbial 'session' gauntlet and have just come to the stage where the oversized pendulum swinging axe has wholloped me right in the testicles. Dead End Deco. But it doesnt stop there; You see its always when you havent got a shilling, that the best things are happening in your local; perhaps its somebodys birthday or maybe your car tax needs to be renewed and you simply cant continue to take the risk of driving without it because it expired 6 months ago? (any Garda reading this; that never actually happened, purely an example). Like I mentioned in 'In the beginning', alcohol has taken free reign over my body and mind and by some of the things I see on nights out, most other peoples too. I mean I was in a nightclub in town last year and I saw two teenagers having sex in the corner! Blatent and for everyone to see. When I finished my popcorn and the battery on my camera phone died, I left the club immediately, disgusted with the 'teenie boppers' of my generation. But lets not get off the point; As I said, it gets progressively worse once I realise Im broke for the remaining 2 weeks of the month and so I do what any authentic Irish man would do: I ask one of my mates for a loan. Not so I can buy things like petrol and food but so I can go to that strategically placed birthday party. Thats exactly it, my money and alcohol conspire against me. B13 - 'You sunk my battleship', says my wallet and a lifesized pint of beer as they high five eachother while watching me pick up the 2 cents I momentarily dropped, knowing that it actually will make the difference between me living or dying this month. God damn them, God damn them to hell. What is the worth of an alcohol fuelled night out? It costs the guts of 200EURO for a night in the city centre. I dont know if anyone else does this but I go to a bank machine and I take out an inordinate amount of cash and I say to myself, there is no way im going to spend all of this, but just in case... If you do, YOUR LYING TO YOURSELF! I do it every time I get paid. Its that freudiant desire that is telling me to drink drink drink, but I dont know why I want to? I take out more money not as a safety net, but because I know im going to bastardise my body with a substance that makes me sick! Copious amounts of alcohol goes hand in hand with copious amounts of money yet still I continue to wreck my body and spend my cash. Are we slaves or is it just our culture as Irish people? Culture; yes hold on everyone, lets put a picture of a drunk Irish girl dressed as the Exorcist child puking all over a shamrock on a poster that says; 'Ireland, Come here to die a slow and painful alcopop related death, but dont worry, you'll have the craic'. Yeah, thats going to reel in the tourists. Do the Polish or American people not understand how expensive Dublin city is? Christ I had to get NAMA to buy my debts as part of an under-the-table agreement with Fianna Fail. Another thing I find hilarious is that because we are officially in a recession, all of the shops and restaurants and pubs are halving their prices and doing more and more to gain our custom. So now, my local offers all drinks for 3 euro on both Fridays and Saturdays and the local nightclub offers the same on Sundays. WHY THANK YOU VERY MUCH SATAN, now you've made it a CERTIFIABLE FACT THAT IM GOING TO BECOME A RAVING ALCOHOLIC....... No... I cant, not at the moment, DAMMIT NOT BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVE 2009!......... YOU WANNA KNOW WHY!??! HUH!? DO YA!????...................................Because I have no money

Bottomline no 2: If we didnt drink SO much, we would have the money to drink when we really wanted to. And of course to pay that car tax ;)

Next post: "The joys of sending drunk text messages"

Slan mo Chara,

Deco